1. Prioritize Regular Quality Time: According to evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar, spending just nine minutes a day or ideally a weekly meetup, is essential to maintain friendships; otherwise, they “start to decay” (The Guardian, 2024).

2. Be the Initiator in the Friendship: Taking the lead, sending the first text, making plans, keeps bonds alive. Max Dickins, author of Billy No-Mates, emphasizes that friendship effort is key for busy adults. He wrote the book after confronting his own social reality, while planning his wedding, he realized he didn’t have a single male friend to ask to be his best man. 
This sparked a deep dive into the state of male friendships, exploring how adult life, work, relationships, and societal norms often erode close bonds. In the book, he blends personal anecdotes with interviews from psychologists, sociologists, and friendship experts, ultimately highlighting that friendship requires deliberate effort, especially for adults with busy, fragmented schedules.

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3. Communicate Openly and Without Blame: Clinical psychologist Miriam Kirmayer recommends addressing issues (like flakiness) in a non-blaming way to maintain healthy adult friendships. She suggests using “I” statements, such as “I miss spending time with you” rather than accusations, as this reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive. This approach fosters openness, strengthens emotional safety, and ensures that both friends feel heard rather than judged.
4. Create Rituals or Shared Activities: Whether it’s a weekly walk, a monthly dinner, or singing in a choir, shared rituals strengthen emotional connection. Robin Dunbar’s research, being an evolutionsist emphasizes that shared, in-person activities, like group hobbies, rituals, or even synchronized movements, release endorphins and strengthen social bonds, making them a powerful way to maintain closeness in adulthood.

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5. Nurture Long-Distance Friendships With Real Conversations: While tech helps, nothing replaces in-person or face-to-face contact. Schedule calls or visits to preserve long-distance friendships.

6. Acknowledge Evolving Dynamics: Friendships change as life seasons shift. Miriam Kirmayer, a Canadian clinical psychologist, researcher, and friendship expert who specializes in the psychology of human connection advises accepting that some periods feel distant without assuming the friendship is over.

7. Forgive and Give Second Chances: Friendship longevity often requires forgiveness. Susan Shapiro Barash, an American author, gender expert, and professor who has written over a dozen books on women’s relationships, identity, and family dynamics. Her work often explores how cultural expectations shape female friendships, loyalty, and conflict. She highlights that rekindling old connections can revive emotional closeness.

8. Apply Psychological Research to Strengthen Bonds:

Dr. Martin Seligman, a positive psychology pioneer outlines the PERMA Model which talks about the five core elements of  adult well-being: Positive emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. 
A 2024 study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science by Menelaos Apostolou and colleagues examined how people maintain desirable adult friendships. The researchers surveyed over 600 Greek-speaking participants and identified seven core strategies:

1. Providing support
2. Increasing interaction frequency
3. Maintaining regular communication
4. Giving thoughtful gifts
5. Building trust
6. Fostering family connections
7. Expressing agreement

These science-backed friendship maintenance strategies align with broader psychological models like the PERMA model, reinforcing that consistent effort is key to sustaining healthy adult friendships.

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9. See Friendships as a Well-Being Investment: Strong social connections predict better mental health, vitality, and sense of purpose, aligning with the PERMA model of happiness.

10. Understand the Lifespan Journey of Friendships: Networks often shrink with age but deepen in intimacy, prioritizing emotional closeness over breadth.

11. Remember: Friendships Protect Your Brain: A study in Alzheimer’s & Dementia found “super-agers” with strong social ties in their 80s had better memory resilience.

Nurturing adult friendships is not just about socializing, it’s an investment in your mental health, emotional resilience, and even your physical longevity. Whether it’s carving out quality time or embracing open communication, each small, intentional step can transform a casual connection into a lifelong bond.

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